The world is filled with purpose if only we seek to find it. The struggle is that we already have what we are looking for. The magic has been in us the whole time. I find the need to repeat to myself that I know what it is I am looking for, that I already hold it and that the answers I seek belong to my mind in the present moment. Even as I type this now I do not fully understand why I am supposed to think this way. I think I was seeking answers and I was told not to seek. It was as if I had finally learned that the magic wasn’t in the shoes, it was in me while I danced. It seemed poignant at the time.
There is often a spiritual bent to me so I was very happy to find out this news. Because I have a pendulum of mentality in my mind it quickly swung back to the other side (depressive) when I began to think that was smart talking by someone who is selling happiness and the promise that the patron will feel better when they leave the seminar. I felt manipulated.
Right here, in these afternoons when for some reason I feel it is a good idea to drink wine, I spend my time wandering the walls of my mind thinking that I will one day find the answers I seek. Reading complex things I do not fully understand until I am tired and my brain is ready to fall from the sky, I rank my impulses to learn for the sickness that it is.
Perhaps it is a feeling of inadequacy that makes me try to learn as much as I can. Or it could be that there is some psychic surgery that I require due to a series of alien abductions that I do not remember. The answer to the quandary is not located in any words I have found. I’m not even sure I have found the questions I want to ask. The personal growth coaches tell me that I should know what I am seeking (if they do not tell me not to seek) so that I can know when I have found it. I think that I am looking for some grand unified theory of everything but that is just because I do not have the words to describe what I am looking for. All these rambling notes have been seeking that.
There is a reason for all this, of course. I am pure of heart and I think that I am going to be able to make some changes in my mind so that I can be a righteous saint that creates great works and is able to become one of those enlightened souls. The trouble is that all written work is delusion because it has been created by humans thinking, and even the channeled texts that have made such an impact on humanity are filtered through imperfect humans (if they are truly from some kind of alien or angel, depending on the perpetual wishes of the scribe). I think that in most of these books, the person is doing what I am doing. They are trying to create something interesting and beautiful by learning as much as they can and relating the information. There is no insight, there is no real imagination. We are automatons.
I think we are all trying to create something beautiful or at least believe in ourselves. It seems to be human nature. There is purpose in us the days we spend creating something magnificent. The world watches and we have peace in our hearts. I am concerned with nothing when I am reading because I know that something important is coming into my mind. The righteous should know that there is nothing truly important that can be found in realistic thought. It is in the mania and tempest that the useful work is created. It is good to think that I am no better or worse than these writers and speakers. I think one of them told me to think that one time.
Are they more enlightened that me? Is that even a thing?